Jinxed, jinxed at birth
I’ve been saying that for years, even in school I would comment to the few friends I had that I was jinxed at birth and it’s not like I have reason to believe different since
My current problem is that I am having to suffer and cope without help. My GP has tried, I’ll give him his dues, I am lucky to have such a nice doctor. He tried a few different medications, none of which helped and all of which caused various side effects, some were bad! He has referred me for therapy, he’s repeatedly contacted my headache specialist regarding my migraines, he, has tried to help, but doesn’t seem able to
Everyone else however, haven’t or arnt helping…
I went to mental health, for assessment it seems and was told that they can’t help me with my depression, only the anxiety. After around hour and half of the worse appointment to date emotionally, I was told they’d meet on the Monday and be in touch….2 weeks later at my GP app, he questions what’s happening, well I don’t have anything to report and explain I’ve had no contact, a week later at another GP appointment , he asks again, but I still have no news… Then a week later I got a letter to say that I had an occupational therapy app in another two weeks. So I go to the appointment, answer the same questions I had at the assessment, listen to her sprouting things about depression (app is for anxiety) that she clearly doesn’t understand and not being asked anything about my anxiety! Or even hear her mention it once. The next app, 2 weeks later I had to cancel because I was due to see consultant phsyciatrist at the hospital, although was told when tried to cancel that I should cancel my hospital app instead! Hmm sorry but no! Hospitals take longer to offer appointments
Consultation at the mental health unit, with phsyciatrist, that appointment has been cancelled by them twice now!
Add that to the wait since November last year to start receiving treatment with my daily migraines, I’m getting pretty low and feeling like its me ….
I’m on no medication, receiving no therapy, nothing. Trying to cope and not outwardly show just how messed up I am inside, because it causes problems for others and then me. Feeling like I’m being punished for something, because really, how can they all expect me to just breeze through, without a care in the world, when no one is helping me!!!!!!!!!!!!
To top or off, I had to fill out an assessment form for ESA, about my medical problems, I think everyone knows just how uncaring they can be
My employer wants to know when I’m going back to work and has now mentioned twice a possibility of terminating my employment, but I have nothing to tell her, I’m no better, I can’t do this without help and when my anxiety is mostly (not all) due to not being able to face people or leave my house, how the hell am I suppose to meet her and talk about it
I keep coming back to the same question, over and over…. Why is no one helping me? Why don’t they seem to be taking me serious, cos surely if they were, they wouldn’t keep cancelling appointments or I wouldn’t be waiting weeks to hear anything
I’m a mess and no one actually seems to care
I’m drowning, it’s like their all putting their foots on my head and just keep putting in the pressure, pushing me under
Updated 22nd July:
So I went to my GP last Wednesday, took my note book with how I’m feeling and the fact that all my appointments keep being cancelled and all he could say was ‘I’m pleased that all the specialists are involved, these appointments (GP) are to touch base, keep the lines of communication open and get sick note if needed’
I know I’d read how GP’s palm you off to mental health, but as my doctor was being so helpful, I never expected it, but that’s what happened. Plus I’d also wrote how the pain I’ve been getting in my neck, have now extended to my shoulder and arm, stopping me from moving it a lot without pain and that the clicking in back of head is back, he never spoke about that, so although he is my doctor I’m thinking, what’s the point in going to him for medical problems!
It’s just getting worse!!!!!