Recent doctor appointment

So quick update for you all.

I went to my scheduled doctors appointment, it didn’t go well! Only because I ended up in a terrible state after my fiancè pointed out someone we knew in the waiting room, well, big mistake ….. Huge …. I sat there squeezing my hands together to hold off the shakes, wishing there was a hole I could crawl into and hide! I was petrified that she would see us and come over. I contemplated moving to hide round the corner, but that would just draw attention to me, so I sat, head down, eyes down and didn’t move, each time I heard a doctors door open, I though, please call me, please hurry!!!!
When I finally get in the room after what feels like hours, but was probably only minutes, I’m a wreck! My GP starts asking me how Ive been with the mirtazapine, I say I think I’ve been ok, I had intended to tell him about the increased eating and dry mouth, but forgot, everything that I’d thought about to tell him, both good (night sweats stopped) and bad, had completely gone from my brain, so I try my best to answer his questions, failing miserably.
In the end I say to him that I’m sorry, I just can’t think, my brain won’t work, he asks questions ’cause he thinks I’m saying its because of the meds, so I explain that it was because of the encounter in the waiting room and proceed to break down, right there and then! I try so hard not to break around people now, I think they’ve probably had enough of it, which is most likely why I don’t hear from anyone much anymore (my friends)
So anyway … After we’ve gone over the fact that I STILL can’t face people and due to the migraines and brain zaps am house bound and in effect pretty much bed bound, he goes on to say that although he would like me to see a councillor, he thinks we should wait until my migraines are a little more sorted (waiting to go in for DHE, due to painkiller dependency) he says he doesn’t want to bring in yet another professional as I already see erm, 3 including him for my depression and migraines, so we are to increase the mirtazapine to 30mg and see how it goes
I would also like to add, he is STILL confused as to what brain zaps are, I tried to explain, but he couldn’t grasp what they are, how they feel and obviously no idea why I get them!

So I’ve now been on the increased dose for about 4 days and this is how I feel:
Appetite still high – rarely feel full and when I do, my stomach hurts from it)
Bad nausea – constantly feeling sick, most of the time like I will be any minute, I have a bucket by my bed all the time
Dry mouth – this has got quite bad and I now have an extremely sore throat

These are the most prominent side effects, I also have body aches (like flu aches) over night when I wake I can’t walk straight, so now sleep downstairs near the toilet, crave sweet foods (or food full stop) I have less patience and am quicker to temper.
I can’t think of anything else right now as I’m in so much pain with this stupid migraine, so am going to stop there, will update if needed

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